stupid mood swing

dat gurl is prettythin. i wanna b like her. but..i am no close 2 her.y can't i??

im talking alone.
whispering to myself.
i had dis thought, i wanna flip my body like i used 2 when i was a child.
y can't i do it now??
mybe bcause my fat is so big n makes my body bcome heavy 2 be lift up??

i won't lie anymore. yup, i eat too much today.
like a cow. n i hate myself for doing so.
i hate myself so much. i miss my family so much.
but i decided, i told my housemates that im not gonna tribute money for cooking.
cos i dun wanna eat anymore. mybe just a lil.
n my reason is money. n yup, they said ok.

so wat myself?? all now depends on u.
can't u realize dis?? u stupid fat. please.
so, i won't write. till im satisfied.
so sorry MNF. im out.
i will start counting by my own self.
i'll write when im fasting.
im so dissapointed in my own self.

just sorry. just want 2 b prettythin. like her.so i'll start again all by myself.

[MNF 5] to eight

..day 5..
i make up reasons again today
since i lost my mobile, i used reasons of having no money 2 eat
bcos i had used da money 2 buy a new simcard...
dat's wat i said after me n all my friends went eat at a restaurant after we went back from exam today...
i just ordered a drink-a juice dat i never ever try before..lol ;p

n exam?? yeah..im so dissapointed in myself.. cos i dun study hard as i should to..
i dun want to repeat being da same loser person again.. wat is happening 2 me??? omg... n till nyte, yeah..i dun eat at all... n im starving...n i start 2 feel hungry.. but its ok..lets try our best...i'll make some tea afterwards.. n mybe some pilates since da utube connection is ok...

i think i've changed..i dunno whether im becoming a better or worse person...
i reject food so easily dis few days.. n each time i look at any food, i kept looking at how much cals per serving does it cost...n study, yup, not at all..im becoming more lazy..my life is like so damn meaningless..
no2..i must set my mind, if i keep making my life buzy, i can starve happily..
n one of da thing dat can make me buzy is study...oh me n myself...pleaseee...
* now, i miss my family so much..just wanna go home ...oh myyyy * *but before dat, i need 2 be somebody pretty thin..*

[MNF 4] to seven

ouh yeah...
im not gud..cos i haven't been updatin..
wat can i say is, its been 3 days i have no internet connection at my home..
now it pop out back 4 our MNF update..*its my update actually*
ok,last frid,*i mean yesterday*, me n my housemates had went jogging n exercised around da stadium at our uni..
da best part is we climb up tru da closed gate into da track field...*legally n forbidden ;p*
n for da 1st time, i feel light...haha
how many laps did i jogged??? sorry, uncountable..lol

then we go n have a drink..
n till today, i lie if i haven't eat anytin..
but i eat just a little, bcos my housemate fed me...
they're did notice my change behaviour about food lately..

n last thurs, i had lost one of my fav belongings.. i cried out loud..im so sad..n my housemates were so worried.. i dun wanna eat, but they tried hard 2 make me hepy n fed me.. but no worries, just a little..n im pretty sure all da pilates,yoga n other exercises had help me 2 burn out all da cals...

n i will try not 2 eat anytin start 2morrow..
even today i just had a tea n mirinda apple in da morning..
*dat mirinda i drink in wish dat it will make me hepy after i didn't find my lost belongings n trying 2 accept da fact dat it's lost ;(...*
then tonight maybe coffee cos i wanna stay up for study..;)
just drinks..n btw, i had weighed again last thurs..
i had changed my weight chart..hehe
i thought of buying a weight scale, but here is totally xpensive compared 2 my country..
still, hope all of u r doing great!!!

no matter wat, life needs 2 go on..
we have 2 move on..i dunno how 2 live without my belonging dat i love so much...n now i lost it..
at least i still can breathe.. i shud appreciate dat..
n never give up- wish me luck 4 my xam 2morrow-. ;)

[MNF 1] to four

so here it goes..

feel glad having frens like u all.. thanks 4 da support..

now im having a new spirit...

feels so weird not updatin da blog since my internet connection is sucks...lol ;P

n now im using my friend's internet...

but no worries, she won't know anytin...

so, i restart my MNF..i know its 2 late, but better late than never ryte?? haha

yesterday, ive got dis huge stomache dat i thought it will go away by eating, but i was wrong...

da stomache bcame worse till nyte..

i restart da MNF today... i will called it MNF 1 to 4- *four stand for da official MNF..see, im left behind!!*

i will try not 2 give up..2gether we try 2 b strong...

i woke up, then we go 2 class...

but just for 1 hour...then me n my friends went 2 dis restaurant..

they ordered bread dat is really large..each time they offered me, i said im havin' stomache *now i know da tricks really works..lol ;)*

i just ordered some desserts dat is like a juice, * i dunno how 2 describe it, but for sure, its not a solid food..yay again..*

then, went back home, i slept cos im tired..n still had da stomache even after taking meds...

i bought a new green tea mint..i wonder how it feel n smell...hehe

now da days had turn into nyte, i know i can do dis..

n so do u... if u ever wanna give up, remember...

everyday dat i succeed, i get 1 day closer 2 my goal...

fill up ur time by pilates, yoga, talking with ur frens...or mybe some homeworks *though i know we're 2 lazy 4 dat*..haha

s0, all da best fellas.love u all

-gottabsomebody-

SCREW ME

here it goes...da almost perfect MNF 2nd day..

woke up at noon...
again, i skipped class...lol ;)
but not bcause of da day, just bcause me n other friends got some unsettled stuff with the uni, so we're 2 lazy to go to class...

so, here it goes..
my housemate decided 2 cook 'chicken rice' 2day, so i did get away by telling her dat ive got other plan 2 go out..ate with my other buddies..
then, everyting did go well..
i ate notin, except just drink some water..n juice..
when it comes 2 nyte, my housemate decided 2 postponed da 'chicken rice' plan 2 tomorrow..
n in my head i was like 'wat a crap..omg..plan2, please come...'
n i was blank..cos 2morrow is holiday 4 us, how do i want 2 escape without staying home???

at nyte, yeah..went out with my buddies..
i ordered sweet corn blended juice n my buddy ordered borio blended juice n fried rice..
then here we go..we kept talking n talking...
so sudden she tried 2 feed me n i refuse..many times..
then, she said 2 me so loudly, 'hey dear, u're already thin enough ok..u look like u had lose some weight since da last time i saw u..u look kinda skinny..'
n in my head,'yeah ryte, lol..thin,skinny..nahhh??'
she said again, 'plis eat 4 me...its 4 my birthday.. just few spoons, PLEASE'
then u know wat happened next...

i rush home..n made dis laxative indicated herbal tea...
n all of wat she feed me did came out from my body...
feel glad~ but SCREW ME..i ruined my MNF

im a loser am i??? how about 2morrow?? how about da 'chicken' plan??
now im left out..if i start back da day after 2morow..i'll be late n such a failure ryte??
still i did weight before i went out with my buddy..
n i lose 1kg..only 1kg..i just dun get it..

-iknowonlymecanfixmysystem-

[da tinyhungerpoint 1]

yeah- MNF midsummer's night fast
here it comes

2day start..i skipped class
but i did went 2 practical class in the midnoon till evening
friends offered me lots of food
i really do know how 2 say no~ lol ;D
so, now..just a few ticking hours 2 go...

im gonna be fine..yes i will...
n i am now...
just having some guava juice n lots of water..

this is my first time doing dis..i have 2 set my mind..
it may be the beggining..but not the end..
2 all..thnks..n lets be part from each other..
lets be somebody.pretty thin.

da starter mark

2day i ate.
my housemate made a cream spaghetti cheese.
n hell yeah, i have 2 eat it..
with them..

n again, yeah..out of my stomach n throat in large amount..
i smell somethin in my room..
n i knew it came from da basket at the end corner of my room..

but its ok dear self..
2morrow u'll be ok..
cos 2morrow is da starter mark..

11th april. we'll see. lets try hard. n b prettythin skinnyme.
-gottabsomebody-

lost n stranded

i eat, n eat
then i puke,i binge

maybe i shud fast??
or mybe i shud wat???

i can feel da belly fat
i can feel im not as i want 2 be

just.pity me.
come on.only u can do this.

so, ive been thinking,
i want 2 try one of da- MOMOCHI856's plan.
~i just gottabsomebody~