look at me now

i purge again today
when im alone at home
im so down depressed
by them
they who always badmouth me
what im doing
what i eat
i dun get it
why shud they care
i know how to take care of myself
what i do is never been their business
i am annoyed.i truly am.

n my system
i am happy how i start not 2 b more triggered by food
i lose my appetite
i can have control

dear self, please hold on
watever may comes, fight till the end
cos i am thiny me.dats wat im reaching for n gonna b.
i can do this. u all also can.

M.I.A

hello all darls.. anamia girls..
OMG. yea, im back.
sorry for all da M.I.A-missing in action things..
u know wats wrong wif all da world nowadays.
ive got involved wif da revolution riot things,
not dat i took part in it, but da place where im studying is..
then ive been sent back 2 my hometown 4 about 2 3 months..
thnk god im safe.

n now i am back,
honestly damn truly, ive been thinking about u all.
n yup, i miss mia n ana. i gain weight again,
last nyte, i can't really study.
im thinking why did i lose my grip when i can control things??
i just want a perfect body, a perfect soul.

maybe i shud take down the weight chart above,
n hell yeah, gonna change all
da background, da music, well u know,
i shud not give up. i can start again.


a new page.
where da rest is still unwritten.

again,i miss u.i really am.*seems annoying huh.lol*
-always. gottabsomebody <3-

never good enough

ya, i love this song. i am proud of me.
i believe, i shud not listen 2 others.i shud listen 2 me.

while writing this, i am eating vegie..
just small amount.. due to my headache..
n ive got test at class today, n yay, i can't answer it.
damn shit.

but on da bright side, im starting my restrict last week..
em, restrict almost to fasting..
n last thursday, ive got huge headache, throw up a lot of liquid.
yup, my housemates once again making dat as A BIG DEAL that i must face..
they keep asking about my eating..
lately they ask ALOT.. they try to control me..
but sory, i want to have a perfect body, so here im da one who's having control..
its become easier since my roomate had moved out..
i can lock myself in the room, exercise and faking eat anytime i want..

n the great is, still rmber dat when i get back here, i gained weight..
its 54kg actually.. now due to the restrict, im back to 51kg..
im loving this.i can feel my collarbone. now waiting for my hipbone 2 appear. friends, who i loved, i need u..
please add me at ur twitter, so we can keep in touch..
n to anyone who's got any idea about supplements,protein shake or energy drink,
please let me know!
cos im searching for it now..

n 2 ana buddies, love ya.keep strong.
we may not be gud enough, but we are thinning 2 perfection.
.WE CAN DO THIS.

gotta b somebody

trippin out, spinnin' around
i'm underground. i fell down
is dis real or is dis pretend??

who am i being now??
dis life is just full of fake..includ me..
a hepy-go-lucky gurl on da outside..

i moved 2 overc..stdying medic field..
never been easy, since i came, life is full of problems..
we're here need 2 live on our own feet..far awy, all about our future...

just few sec ago, found a blog of dis gurl..like me..
stdy n life, teenage..n found some habit dat can heal dis misery...
then i found another blog, then another few blogs..seems dat im not alone..
many ppl are just into our group...
dun wanna admit it, wanna hide it...
but feels glad n ok after did it...right???

im new..totally new....
ppl kept saying im thin..but i dun see it so..
i know...
after being struggled with all dis problems here,
saw lots of photos during my pre-found years,
OMG...
im like..dun have words 2 describe it..
im gettin fatter..can see n feel ol da fats inside me..
binge?purge?? its been a long time...
im not really active into it..
starve 4 hunger?? if i wanna do it, i'll really do it...
but im not...
i dunno, im just confuse...
i felt so damn guilty when i ate lots of food..
n bcos of all da probs surrounds me n my frens makes me feels like ****
i ate 2 much, n now is winter break,
i gain 2kg...
feels so damn fat..
what should i do frens??
i know u're there frens, help me...
should i choose?? ana or mia?
mybe im weird but dats wat i wanna b...can i?

-ive already have a blog, but dis one is only 4 ppl who r like me-

-gottabsomebody-