a bad shit

my birthday is coming

n feels like shit

cos i just eat n feeling fatty

where's my skinny thiny??

i want it back..on my special b-day..
.so, i'll do eat.i must.

tell me what should i do??

its been hiatus for a long time here..
how i miss ol da ana's bloggers..
reading theirs n reflect it back 2 mine..

wat is happening to me?? tell me what should i do..
ive been fasting for few days..
then i start eating back...

last week, something awful happened to me..
not just me, but me and my gurlfriends..
dat incident makes me lose my appetite..
im fasting on dat day..i just can't eat..n sleep..
now im moving on..i try 2 forget all those things..
im eating as usual..but my misery feelings about food keep disturbing my mind..

n last nyte,
my stomach hurts so damn much..
binging for thrice last nyte..
n today..dunno wat will happened to me next..
tell me, just tell me...

i'm searchin' for ana..n now i'm livin with mia...
?caught in my own secret underneath?

my sore throat OR my soul??

kinda happy 2day..
but lets go straight..
now, 1.00am, i slept at 10.45pm n i woke up back..
need 2 study,study n study!

but all day long, all i ate is just- tea, a bar of chocolate, banana, n a veggie soup in just a small amount..
i feel great!! i did it...
i can control my huge attractiveness 2 food! thnks 2 thinspiration..hehe

but, part of da main issue dat i dun wanna eat is my sore throat.. is it?? i feel dumnness in my tastebud..
but great, cos i can feel a little thiny me has appeared..
my roomate mentioned dat i look a lil higher n skinny.. lol ;p
nahhh~ just her way 2 jokin' around..
cos she used 2 said i have dis double chin under my chubby face da day b4..haha

so, no more chatterin' around... books r waitin'.. no matter wut, i think i want 2 start fastin' 2morrow.. but i'll eat somethin' 2nyte..MAYBE

so, buddies~ stay on focus. study n weight. juz .gottabsomebody.

\where's my angel\

2day??

bcome worse i think..
thought dat i can survive wthout eating...
but no..i felt like such a damn...

k, da day start..
woke up at 10am..
i ate, n feel like ****..
then at evening, i ate again bcos its my housmate who cooked 4 da whole house 2day..
then i throw up..
twice..

feel so damn guilty cos i ate 2 much as i promise 2 decrease my eatin' habit...
i know dat i've got dis huge appetite in any food..
but y can't i control it..few r jealous with me cos im still thin even i eat alot..
but dats not true, i can't feel how da evil fat now try 2 suck da empty space in my body..
n i slept at 8.30pm n woke up just now at 10.30pm..
n my roomate's bf brought some food for the house,
n i ate it AGAIN..im such a fool right??
i play with food..n dis time yeah, a real binge..

now,im staying up..
cos class gonna start on sunday..
n need 2 focus on stdy..n can't keep my eyes of da weight..
n seems dat, i've started da HABIT back..

sorry..i just gottabsomebody..
wish for btter tommorow..

.da only exception.

so today starts over
i w0ke up at noon without studying anytin'
n n0 close 2 eatin

i slept at 4am last nyte
readin' all da anamia's blogs
n me thinkin' of somethin'

a name- k.e.i.r.a k.n.i.g.h.t.l.e.y

watch her, see her, observe her.. da cheek bone, da skinny body, da skull...
she's da only exception for inspiration?? no wonder...

n me, having less money..no need 2 buy food n i feel great..
somehow i ate just now, makes me wanna make ol da food go out back..
but its ok, i'll eat just once a day..
n i start 2 buy more veggie..wanna strive 2 my target..
loose few kgs..come on, u can do it gurl!!

gottabsomebody~ im hepy without no one notice me yay! @_@

gotta b somebody

trippin out, spinnin' around
i'm underground. i fell down
is dis real or is dis pretend??

who am i being now??
dis life is just full of fake..includ me..
a hepy-go-lucky gurl on da outside..

i moved 2 overc..stdying medic field..
never been easy, since i came, life is full of problems..
we're here need 2 live on our own feet..far awy, all about our future...

just few sec ago, found a blog of dis gurl..like me..
stdy n life, teenage..n found some habit dat can heal dis misery...
then i found another blog, then another few blogs..seems dat im not alone..
many ppl are just into our group...
dun wanna admit it, wanna hide it...
but feels glad n ok after did it...right???

im new..totally new....
ppl kept saying im thin..but i dun see it so..
i know...
after being struggled with all dis problems here,
saw lots of photos during my pre-found years,
OMG...
im like..dun have words 2 describe it..
im gettin fatter..can see n feel ol da fats inside me..
binge?purge?? its been a long time...
im not really active into it..
starve 4 hunger?? if i wanna do it, i'll really do it...
but im not...
i dunno, im just confuse...
i felt so damn guilty when i ate lots of food..
n bcos of all da probs surrounds me n my frens makes me feels like ****
i ate 2 much, n now is winter break,
i gain 2kg...
feels so damn fat..
what should i do frens??
i know u're there frens, help me...
should i choose?? ana or mia?
mybe im weird but dats wat i wanna b...can i?

-ive already have a blog, but dis one is only 4 ppl who r like me-

-gottabsomebody-