im sick??

am i sick?? ive been stressed out lately.. yup, bcause of stdy.. n i just knew dat da author of da NEW MNF had gone for a break... n me?? i did fast 4 da MNF for 2days,losing 1 kg..
then i knew LEMON had gone.. but lets support each other.. everyone has their own reason..
n she just need some time...just b strong LEMON~

n me,
em...yesterday,im not fasting..
bcause of da xam..
my adrenaline had put an impct strength on me (y im using dis term???lol)
i dunno if bcause of dat mia had come again 2 my life 4 da past few days..
n ysterday, me and all of my housemates had gone 4 lunch 2gether...
n back at home, i purged...alot...
n i dunno y im so tired yesterday evening...

so its ok,
2day i start fasting again...
i shud never give up...shud i??
i shud never say never ryte??
im worried since im taking dental course,
my prof used 2 mention bout mia...
n there is one of my buddies who knew bout dis,
n keep watching her eyes on me...
she shud shut her mouth i think...

..watever it is..ana n mia is my best buddies.. ..think thin..i believe in me n u..

im a hero

life's such a hectic
im gettin tired n stress due 2 my study life dat i sacrifice
n now, ive got exam in each week??? WTh
owh yeah..2 things stucked in my mind
-study -weight me

n all my frens..we're just few n all r away from families..
each weekend, we make a gathering...
n when there's a gathering, there must b food ryte??
n yup, i ate a lot..
i thought i need energy for xam.. so i ate?? lol..
n alot means...binging for 4 days in a row..
sucks ryte..

i need a company...a buddy..a booster..
then i found a new site..
which will make u think dat u're living in a light fairy princess's castle..
its totally supportive...i love it...
n guess wat, da MNF had start again...
its called N0t Too LAte MNF...n im joining...

since im rarely on9 due to xam,
i'll start 2day n will end 15august...
every1, do join...n lets update each other..
*wish me luck* for xam n dis life*
*p/s- lovin jessica's stroup's backbone*

im a hero of my own story
n i don't need 2 be saved

count on me

i changed my layout
i upload new music
i wanna b fresh n confident anamia
i dun wanna fail
i wanna b succeed
everyday is a new day
n it'll b btter if i can hang on
if not i'll start fresh n new
i want 2 b light n light
no more stress
n dis is a confession dat im still hanging on
i'll do btter

wishing dat 2 all of u 2

-gottabsomebody-
new thinysp0- jessica stroup 90210 (jealousy of her bone) -#-

A NEW ME

OH MY GOD..
its been such along2 time i didn't write..
hoow i reallllly miss all da anas n mias buddies...

so ive got stuck into such a uni conflict..
dat makes me stuck...n travel mostly all da time 2 sttle up da probs...
i travelled n yup i ate..
how ppl will get suicide if they get into my probs..
how u're totally far awy from ur family n need 2 sttle up all da stud illegal issue all by urself..
n ppl really love 2 take others money ryte??
huh...so tired of talkin bout such stupid stuff...

da great news is,
i transfer 2 a great uni...n really starting such a fresh a engine in my study...
n i rented a new big house..n i just got internet...!!!
so 2 my lovely buddies. i'll contct u soon...

n bout my body issue...
here's da thing...i travelled n ate n i got dis huge distract
n i gained weight...55.7kg...sucks isn't it???

then ive been fasting 4 bout 10 days...
eat low cals..but still i just lost till 53.5kg..
im hepy,but my trget is 50 n im not even close...
hurm, so starting yesterday,
i try da non solid fast...
just soup n drinks...wish me luck gurls..
n i MISS u all so muchhhh ;****
(got stuck with studies makes me eat less n if i can, i'll try 2 update k???
next week got quiz!!! ;O...bubye)

drowning in meaningless

here i am..
for long ive been gone..
a month?? yeah...lol
em, its true..im stuck in da mid of my own college's prob...
then about a month ive been out of town..
settling up everytin..n now im back, things still being unsettled..
im so damn jealous wif other frens, having their finals..
n im stuck like hell a politician doing things other than stdy..

im stress out..
i tried 2 fast, i last bout 2 days n i drop from 53.7 to 53.3kg..
see, i can do it if i want it...
n now im back at home, i know dis will b easier..
y not???only me can set my mind...
n internet, no...im using my frens cos my internet connection sucks..
less money, less eat, less internet???

ouh yeah..now i am me..
i watched grey's last nyte..
she said,

the very worst part is dat da minute u think u're past it,
it starts all over again.
n always, everytime, it takes ur breath away..

stupid mood swing

dat gurl is prettythin. i wanna b like her. but..i am no close 2 her.y can't i??

im talking alone.
whispering to myself.
i had dis thought, i wanna flip my body like i used 2 when i was a child.
y can't i do it now??
mybe bcause my fat is so big n makes my body bcome heavy 2 be lift up??

i won't lie anymore. yup, i eat too much today.
like a cow. n i hate myself for doing so.
i hate myself so much. i miss my family so much.
but i decided, i told my housemates that im not gonna tribute money for cooking.
cos i dun wanna eat anymore. mybe just a lil.
n my reason is money. n yup, they said ok.

so wat myself?? all now depends on u.
can't u realize dis?? u stupid fat. please.
so, i won't write. till im satisfied.
so sorry MNF. im out.
i will start counting by my own self.
i'll write when im fasting.
im so dissapointed in my own self.

just sorry. just want 2 b prettythin. like her.so i'll start again all by myself.

[MNF 5] to eight

..day 5..
i make up reasons again today
since i lost my mobile, i used reasons of having no money 2 eat
bcos i had used da money 2 buy a new simcard...
dat's wat i said after me n all my friends went eat at a restaurant after we went back from exam today...
i just ordered a drink-a juice dat i never ever try before..lol ;p

n exam?? yeah..im so dissapointed in myself.. cos i dun study hard as i should to..
i dun want to repeat being da same loser person again.. wat is happening 2 me??? omg... n till nyte, yeah..i dun eat at all... n im starving...n i start 2 feel hungry.. but its ok..lets try our best...i'll make some tea afterwards.. n mybe some pilates since da utube connection is ok...

i think i've changed..i dunno whether im becoming a better or worse person...
i reject food so easily dis few days.. n each time i look at any food, i kept looking at how much cals per serving does it cost...n study, yup, not at all..im becoming more lazy..my life is like so damn meaningless..
no2..i must set my mind, if i keep making my life buzy, i can starve happily..
n one of da thing dat can make me buzy is study...oh me n myself...pleaseee...
* now, i miss my family so much..just wanna go home ...oh myyyy * *but before dat, i need 2 be somebody pretty thin..*