~flows into ur mind~

dear anamia

"Don't give up what you want most for what you want at the moment."

.hate/love this.

Friday, February 19, 2010

my sore throat OR my soul??

kinda happy 2day..
but lets go straight..
now, 1.00am, i slept at 10.45pm n i woke up back..
need 2 study,study n study!

but all day long,
all i ate is just- tea, a bar of chocolate, banana, n a veggie soup in just a small amount..
i feel great!! i did it...

i can control my huge attractiveness 2 food! thnks 2 thinspiration..hehe

but, part of da main issue dat i dun wanna eat is my sore throat..
is it?? i feel dumnness in my tastebud..
but great, cos i can feel a little thiny me has appeared..

my roomate mentioned dat i look a lil higher n skinny..
lol ;p
nahhh~ just her way 2 jokin' around..

cos she used 2 said i have dis double chin under my chubby face da day b4..haha

so, no more chatterin' around...
books r waitin'.. no matter wut, i think i want 2 start fastin' 2morrow.. but i'll eat somethin' 2nyte..MAYBE

so, buddies~ stay on focus. study n weight. juz .gottabsomebody.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

\where's my angel\

bcome worse i think..
thought dat i can survive wthout eating...
but no..i felt like such a damn...

k, da day start..
woke up at 10am..
i ate, n feel like ****..
then at evening, i ate again bcos its my housmate who cooked 4 da whole house 2day..
then i throw up..

feel so damn guilty cos i ate 2 much as i promise 2 decrease my eatin' habit...
i know dat i've got dis huge appetite in any food..
but y can't i control it..few r jealous with me cos im still thin even i eat alot..
but dats not true, i can't feel how da evil fat now try 2 suck da empty space in my body..
n i slept at 8.30pm n woke up just now at 10.30pm..
n my roomate's bf brought some food for the house,
n i ate it AGAIN..im such a fool right??
i play with food..n dis time yeah, a real binge..

now,im staying up..
cos class gonna start on sunday..
n need 2 focus on stdy..n can't keep my eyes of da weight..
n seems dat, i've started da HABIT back..

sorry..i just gottabsomebody..
wish for btter tommorow..

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

.da only exception.

so today starts over
i w0ke up at noon without studying anytin'
n n0 close 2 eatin

i slept at 4am last nyte
readin' all da anamia's blogs
n me thinkin' of somethin'
a name- k.e.i.r.a k.n.i.g.h.t.l.e.y

watch her, see her, observe her.. da cheek bone, da skinny body, da skull...
she's da only exception for inspiration?? no wonder...

n me, having less money..no need 2 buy food n i feel great..
somehow i ate just now, makes me wanna make ol da food go out back..
but its ok, i'll eat just once a day..
n i start 2 buy more veggie..wanna strive 2 my target..
loose few kgs..come on, u can do it gurl!!

gottabsomebody~ im hepy without no one notice me yay! @_@

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

gotta b somebody

trippin out, spinnin' around
i'm underground. i fell down
is dis real or is dis pretend??

who am i being now??
dis life is just full of fake..includ me..
a hepy-go-lucky gurl on da outside..

i moved 2 overc..stdying medic field..
never been easy, since i came, life is full of problems..
we're here need 2 live on our own feet..far awy, all about our future...

just few sec ago, found a blog of dis gurl..like me..
stdy n life, teenage..n found some habit dat can heal dis misery...
then i found another blog, then another few blogs..seems dat im not alone..
many ppl are just into our group...
dun wanna admit it, wanna hide it...
but feels glad n ok after did it...right???

im new..totally new....
ppl kept saying im thin..but i dun see it so..
i know...
after being struggled with all dis problems here,
saw lots of photos during my pre-found years,
im like..dun have words 2 describe it..
im gettin fatter..can see n feel ol da fats inside me..
binge?purge?? its been a long time...
im not really active into it..
starve 4 hunger?? if i wanna do it, i'll really do it...
but im not...
i dunno, im just confuse...
i felt so damn guilty when i ate lots of food..
n bcos of all da probs surrounds me n my frens makes me feels like ****
i ate 2 much, n now is winter break,
i gain 2kg...
feels so damn fat..
what should i do frens??
i know u're there frens, help me...
should i choose?? ana or mia?
mybe im weird but dats wat i wanna b...can i?

-ive already have a blog, but dis one is only 4 ppl who r like me-